WOMEN CAN HAVE IT ALL! Statement of fact, or suburban myth passed down from post-modern working mothers to their generation X daughters?  

In between popping out babies and promoting her new book, Bruce and Me, I've managed to catch up with author, filmmaker and mother, Oren Seidler, to ask her this most relevant  of questions - can women have it all? Here's what she had to say...

"What do you think about this post-feminist paradigm we're living in today, do you think women can have it all?"

"No, I don't think so.  To be a surrendered, present parent and be an industrious artist or career person at the same time is not possible. I feel that once you decide to have children, children need to be number one and the art is number two, at least for a period of time."

"But from the outside looking in it seems that you manage both.  You wrote your memoir, became a mother, spent the past year editing, releasing and promoting the book, and are now about to give birth to your second child."

"In this case, I saw the project as a temporary endeavor, a burst within a finite time frame, not a way of life I could sustain over the long term.  I also have recently had two days of family daycare to rely on to get me through this period of intense activity... That time to myself is precious."

"I have a two year old daughter myself.  Since she was born my time management skills have dramatically improved.  How do you manage to fit it all in, or do some things get sacrificed along the way?"

"As I've said, the little time I have now to myself is precious. But there is an urgency to use my time constructively. I've spent much of my pregnancy being busy: finishing the book, then editing, then promoting the book - also constant calls and responding to emails. What gets sacrificed is my down time, my alone time to be peaceful and quiet... time to just be. Particularly in this late stage of pregnancy, I'm trying to stop filling up my time meeting the needs of the artist."

"If there was one aspect of your life that you would be prepared to let go of, what would that be?"

"I would definitely give up the business/art stuff.  I'd ignore my computer, stop feeling the need to respond to every email so promptly and surrender to a 'who cares' attitude."

"Do you have any regrets about the choices you've made between having a career in the arts and being a mother?"

"I wish I had organized my life so that the book was done before having babies, so that I wouldn't be in the position that I'm in today.  Now it's a delicate balancing act.  But to be honest, if it wasn't the book occupying me, it would probably be something else."

"It's quite telling then, that in spite of this desire to surrender into motherhood, there is something motivating you to pursue your work.  Where does that drive come from?"

"It's my own personal issue.  What makes me as a person feel satisfied and validated are my achievements. Ironically, I'm at a stage in my life where I wish it were another way."

"So, would you say that as much as you love your children, you define yourself as something more than just being their mother?"

"Yes, I do..."

Thanks to Oren for sharing her thoughts.

When my mother set the bar as a loving, attentive, working parent who managed to maintain a solid and enduring relationship with my father, I had no idea just how difficult it would be to walk that path myself.  Hats off to all parents who successfully balance the art of parenthood with the inner drive to pursue their own creative passions.

I post new articles once a week on Saturday mornings, Eastern Australia time.  Next week look forward to reading an interview with musician, producer, non-profit director and father, Steve Berry, who, after reading last week's post, suggested I consider renaming the blog, "BAD - Blokes Artists Dad." 

Have a great week!

Today I performed with Sara Tindley at the Byron Bay Writers Festival in the North Coast ABC Marquee.  The gig was great, here's how the morning went:

6:15am - desperate to get to the festival on time, but can't seem to stop putting on more and more lipstick.  I'm late, I arrive but forgot to pack my guitar, the marquee isn't a marquee but a 1000 seater concert hall, Sara has the flu and just breathed into my face, I have to run all the way home to get my gear, but I get lost along the way, can't find my keys, can't find the car, can't find the venue, find the venue but can't seem to move my legs up the massive rocky slope that has now become the entrance to the festival, only way to reach the stage is by dragging myself up a dangling piece of rope, can't climb, can't pull, have no free hands cause I'm hanging on to all my gear ...

6:30am - I wake up shaken but not stirred ... Jump into the shower to prep for an 8am sound check.

8:00am - I arrive with no money to pay for parking, talk my way in, just in time for sound check, Sara does have the flu but I turn away when she tries to breath in my direction, the local weather is read, "fine, fine, everything is fine," Sara and I launch into a lovely rendition of "Ramblin' Ways" and the crowd's lovin' it ... flu and all!

11:00am - the gig ends and we are free to roam around the festival and explore...

A fascinating surround of minds: mid-streaming, post menopausal panelists, former femme fatals, memoir writing rock stars and a cheery collection of scrabble playing festivites. I couldn't help but notice the elephant in the marquee... where are everyone's kids? We brought Lucy with us, kids under 5 are free! Are we the only parents here who subscribe to the, "include her in our life," and, "where we go she goes," style of parenting? So what if she disassembles my wallet, drops coins down my bra and starts gleefully handing out my credit cards to the punters passing bye.  Oh hang on, there's Mandy Nolan on stage breast feeding her baby and chairing the panel, "what is it with men and relationships?"  

There was a quasi-poignant reference to parenthood from Cold Chisel icon, Don Walker.  He shared that becoming a parent helped him to finally grow up.  I guess he was a late bloomer or something.  I wonder if his children are wandering around the festival distributing his credit cards to the crowds...

I am W.A.M., hear me roar!  A blog and open forum for artists struggling to strike that delicate balance between living passionately, and surrendering to the path of parenthood.